In our latest episode of Why Do People Do That, we talk about anxiety – one of the most common, and often frequently misunderstood mental health issues that a person might struggle with. We strongly encourage you to listen to that episode, as it may truly help you understand what anxiety is, how it works, why you feel the way you do, and so much more:
Something that we want to talk about today, however, is the process that typically comes before someone seeks treatment for anxiety.
Psychotherapy helps.
But most people do not try therapy right away. In fact, they try everything else, to the point that by the time they’re done they come to therapy already ready to give up.
But why do people try these other treatments?
- Maybe you’ve downloaded meditation apps.
- Maybe you bought self-help books.
- Maybe you started taking supplements
- Maybe you changed your diet, picked up yoga, committed to more exercise, tried journaling, or spent hours researching anxiety management techniques online.
You’ve invested time, money, and energy into all these different approaches and, predictably, they have failed.
Meanwhile, therapy – which has decades of research showing it’s effective for anxiety – often gets pushed to the back burner. It becomes the thing you’ll try “if nothing else works” rather than the first line of defense against anxiety symptoms that are genuinely interfering with your life.
Why do people exhaust so many other options before they’re willing to pick up the phone and schedule an appointment with a therapist? What is it about therapy that makes it feel like a last resort rather than a logical starting point?
The Stigma Around Therapy Still Exists
Even though mental health awareness has improved dramatically over the past decade, there’s still lingering stigma around going to therapy. Somewhere in the back of many people’s minds is the idea that therapy is for people who are “really struggling” or who have “serious problems” – not for someone who’s just dealing with everyday anxiety.
There’s a belief that going to therapy means admitting you can’t handle things on your own, that you’re weak, or that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Even when people logically know this isn’t true, emotionally it can feel like a big step to acknowledge that you need professional help.
So instead, people try things that feel less serious – things that don’t require admitting there’s a problem that you can’t solve yourself. Meditation apps feel like self-improvement. Exercise feels like being healthy. Supplements feel like being proactive about wellness. These approaches don’t carry the same weight as therapy, which can make them feel safer to try first.
Therapy Feels Like a Big Commitment
Part of what makes therapy intimidating is that it feels like a significant commitment – of time, money, and emotional energy. You have to find a therapist, make an appointment, show up regularly, talk about difficult things, and potentially do homework between sessions. It’s not a quick fix or a one-time thing.
In contrast, buying a book about anxiety or downloading a meditation app feels manageable. You can do it right now, on your own terms, without scheduling anything or committing to showing up every week. You can try it for a few days and quit if it doesn’t work without feeling like you’ve failed or let anyone down.
There’s also the financial consideration. Therapy costs money – sometimes a lot of money, depending on your insurance situation. Self-help approaches often feel cheaper, even if you end up spending just as much (or more) over time trying different supplements, apps, courses, and books that don’t actually solve the problem.
People Want to Solve It Themselves
There’s something appealing about the idea that you can fix your anxiety on your own, without needing to involve anyone else. Self-help approaches feed into this desire – they promise that if you just do the right things, practice the right techniques, or adopt the right mindset, you can overcome anxiety yourself.
Therapy, on the other hand, requires admitting that you need help from someone else. It means sitting in a room (or on a video call) with another person and talking about the things you’re struggling with. For people who pride themselves on being independent or self-sufficient, this can feel uncomfortable or even threatening.
There’s also a belief that anxiety is something you should be able to control through willpower or the right strategies. If you just meditate enough, exercise enough, or think positively enough, surely you can get your anxiety under control – right? Therapy can feel like giving up on that idea and accepting that anxiety isn’t something you can simply willpower your way through.
Therapy Requires Vulnerability
Let’s be honest – therapy is hard. It requires opening up about things you might not talk about with anyone else. It means being vulnerable with a stranger about your fears, your struggles, your mistakes, and the parts of yourself you’re not proud of.
For many people, the idea of sitting across from someone and talking about their anxiety – really talking about it, not just mentioning it in passing – feels terrifying. What if the therapist judges you? What if they think your problems are stupid? What if you cry? What if talking about your anxiety makes it worse?
Self-help approaches feel safer because you don’t have to be vulnerable with anyone. You can read a book about anxiety in private. You can meditate alone in your room. You can journal without anyone seeing what you write. These approaches don’t require the same level of emotional exposure that therapy does.
People Don’t Know What Therapy Actually Involves
If you’ve never been to therapy before, the whole thing can feel mysterious and intimidating. What actually happens in a therapy session? What are you supposed to say? What if you don’t know how to talk about your feelings? What if there are awkward silences?
Without understanding what therapy involves, it can feel easier to stick with approaches that seem more straightforward. Meditation apps give you guided instructions. Self-help books lay out specific steps. Exercise has clear benefits you can see and feel. Therapy, in contrast, can feel vague and uncertain.
There’s also confusion about what kind of therapy to seek, what the difference is between various types of therapy, whether medication is involved, and how long it takes to see results. The uncertainty around all these questions can make therapy feel overwhelming before you even start.
The Quick Fix Mentality
We live in a culture that promises quick solutions to every problem. Apps, supplements, and self-help programs market themselves as fast, easy ways to reduce anxiety – often with before-and-after testimonials and claims about how quickly you’ll see results.
Therapy doesn’t promise quick fixes. It’s a process that takes time, effort, and patience. You might not feel better after one session. You might even feel worse temporarily as you start addressing difficult issues. The benefits build gradually over weeks and months, not overnight.
For people who are suffering and desperately want relief, the promise of a quick solution is incredibly appealing – even if, deep down, they know that sustainable change rarely happens that quickly. It’s easier to believe that the right supplement or the right breathing technique will solve everything than to accept that anxiety might require the slower, more challenging work of therapy.
Fear That Therapy Won’t Work
Ironically, one reason people avoid therapy is fear that it won’t work – and then what? If you try meditation and it doesn’t help, you can just try something else. If therapy doesn’t work, it can feel like you’ve run out of options, like your anxiety is unfixable.
There’s also concern that therapy will confirm their worst fears – that they’re broken, that their anxiety is too severe to treat, or that they’ll be stuck feeling this way forever. As long as you haven’t tried therapy, you can maintain hope that it might be the answer. Once you’ve tried it and it doesn’t immediately solve everything, you have to grapple with the reality that healing is more complicated than you hoped.
What People Don’t Realize About Therapy
Here’s what many people don’t understand until they actually start therapy: it’s not just about talking through your feelings. Good therapy for anxiety provides concrete skills, practical strategies, and structured approaches for managing symptoms.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for example, teaches you to identify and change the thought patterns that fuel anxiety. Exposure therapy helps you gradually face the things you’ve been avoiding. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches you to change your relationship with anxious thoughts rather than trying to eliminate them.
These aren’t vague concepts – they’re specific, evidence-based techniques that have been proven to work for anxiety. A good therapist doesn’t just listen to you talk (although that’s part of it) – they actively teach you skills you can use to manage anxiety in your daily life.
Therapy also provides something that self-help approaches can’t – a trained professional who can identify patterns you don’t see, point out connections you haven’t made, challenge unhelpful thinking in real-time, and tailor strategies to your specific situation.
The Other Approaches Aren’t Wrong – They’re Just Not Enough
To be clear, meditation, exercise, better sleep, stress management techniques, and other self-help approaches can absolutely help with anxiety. They’re not useless or wrong – they’re just often not enough on their own, especially for moderate to severe anxiety.
The problem isn’t that people try these things – it’s that they try these things instead of therapy, or they expect these approaches to solve problems that really need professional intervention. It’s like trying to treat a broken leg with ice and elevation – those things might help with pain and swelling, but they’re not going to fix the actual break.
Many of the techniques people learn through self-help are the same techniques they’d learn in therapy – the difference is that in therapy, you have a trained professional helping you understand why these techniques work, how to adapt them to your specific situation, and what to do when they’re not working.
When It’s Time to Stop Trying Everything Else
If you’ve been dealing with anxiety for months or years, if you’ve tried multiple self-help approaches without lasting relief, if your anxiety is interfering with work, relationships, or daily functioning, or if you’re avoiding things that matter to you because of anxiety – it’s time to consider therapy.
You don’t have to wait until you’ve tried everything else. You don’t have to wait until your anxiety is “bad enough.” You don’t have to prove you can’t handle it on your own before you’re allowed to ask for help.
Therapy isn’t a last resort – it’s often the most effective first step. The research is clear that therapy works for anxiety, particularly approaches like CBT and exposure therapy. The sooner you start, the sooner you can learn the skills you need to manage anxiety effectively.
